Chapter 24
Chapter 23: Dust in the Sun of a Confession
‘At my mother’s cremation, only three people came. Miguel, Omar, and, of course, Lizandra,’ thought Rebeka, looking at the urn with the ashes. ‘The ceremony cost almost all the money I had in the account, and it was pretty quick, actually. But, thank goodness, I’m not left owing money after receiving my mother’s ashes. In a way, the house feels emptier, but it’s not like I can get used to the idea of her absence. I haven’t even accepted the fact the fact that she’s dead. I’d like to say the same for Omar; he’s the one who’s been suffering the most.’
The urn was on the bookcase that abutted the wall in front of the bed, right in the middle, with a neutral design that could easily be mistaken for a small vase.
‘It should be noted that the other significant event that happened these two days was that I went back to being friends with Lizandra. Both she and Miguel come to the house in the evenings to hear from Omar and me. Her apology was very convincing, and really, I had no reason to keep saying no. So, without having to go to the house in the afternoons, I was able to go home. So, without having to go to school, in bed, with my mind in a daze, thinking about everything and, at the same time, about nothing, I need contact of other people so I don’t go crazy. Knowing Lizandra, maybe I’m seeing a possibility. I shouldn’t have said I forgave her, for maybe it’s all a trap. But how do you judge someone without hard evidence? I have no idea, but one thing is for sure: I am missing a whole set of my underwear and an almost empty knob of the perfume I use, and I can’t get it to stop bothering me. Miguel wouldn’t be able to steal things from his closest friend’s wife.’
“Omar Are you asleep?” asked Rebeka, who was lying next to him. The boy had wide eyes, dark circles under his eyes, and a paler complexion than usual, as if he hadn’t eaten well for a few days and was about to fall ill.
“No,” he replied.
“Maybe Miguel already knows. With how slack Lizandra’s mouth is, I don’t doubt he’s already aware of everything that happened between us. Do you want him to tell you?”
“Tell me what?” asked Omar, his eyes lost, as if he weren’t there.
"Why have we stopped being friends?” replied Rebeka, who shook her head to see her boy’s facial expressions.
“Oh...” said Omar.
“It’s either an “Oh” of affirmation or an “Oh” of understanding.”
“Yes, I think so,” replied Omar, uninterested in the subject.
“Why don’t you show more interest? I’m about to tell you something private.” Omar kept silent because, although it wasn’t that he was talking so much these days, on the contrary, he had already warned his girl that, if he didn’t say anything, it was because he didn’t think he had anything interesting to say. “Well, I’m going to tell you anyway, on the condition that you tell me if Miguel tells you something different.”
“All right,” Omar replied.
“Since my father was imprisoned, my mother worked in a nightclub. That’s not new. In a way, she charged for sex, or is it better if I say that she opened her legs to anyone who promised to bring economic stability to this house? Maybe he never told me about his intentions, but that was because I never asked him directly. What I can tell you is that, from time to time, I saw her with companions who came to the house, who were guys who promised to give her what she was looking for, but none of them lasted long, and from time to time, she was alone again. On the other hand, Lizandra and I were very good friends because we could talk about things that happened to us or what we thought without fear of being judged. Lizandra’s family never wanted to have anything to do with me, so when we studied together, we always had to do it here, and as you can understand, in the intimacy of this room, many things happened. Mmm, what would be an example? Watching obscene videos, I learned what porn was because she brought a copy of a secret folder that her father had on his computer. I also learned how to masturbate, thanks to what she told me to do. That day, when she left and I was left alone in the room, I reopened the video on my laptop, pulled down my panties, opened one foot and the other, put it on the table, and started touching myself like the woman in the video was doing.I was nineteen when I had my first orgasm, and I didn’t hesitate to tell my best friend about it the next day. So, together with her, I began to learn and experiment about many things. She told me that her mother and father hadn’t had sex in years, and that’s why her father had so much porn stored on his computer, while, on the other hand, her mother had toys hidden in a secret drawer, which she had been using and didn’t know how she could get into because they were too big. I remember one time she sat down next to me while we were having a conversation about her mother’s various toys. Then she pulled out her phone, opened the photo gallery, and showed me what they looked like. Sure enough, in one of the last pictures, she was unclothed, with her legs spread, holding one of her mother’s toys, while at the same time trying to take it inside her. I remember the image sticking in my mind. She assumed her mistake and apologized; she also asked me if I wanted to continue watching because she didn’t care; after all, we were friends. I didn’t know what to say, and I really wasn’t thinking about anything, but I swear that before I could say anything, she showed me her cell phone again, continued passing the pictures, and described to me how good it felt when she was able to fit the plastic all the way into her still virgin hole. Lizandra commented that I should try it because it was mind-blowing and it was better to get the area used to it and have some experience beforehand before sleeping with a guy. It made sense at the time: if she had such a hard time getting a dildo in, would a guy have the patience to go to that trouble? After remembering our first time, as soon as you were able to aim your thing at my entrance, you stuck it in me in one go.Back on topic, I told her I didn’t have those toys, and she said she’d be happy to bring one of her mother’s, unbeknownst to her, for me to use for a day. With the deal in place, I was anxious and really couldn’t say no anymore, but for some reason, my excitement was so great that suddenly, I had a revelatory moment in my mind. ”If her mother had those things because she was alone, then mine had to have them too.” I remember that day; I couldn’t sit still at school and managed to get home earlier than ever. I confess that I had the courage, the desire, and the determination to commit a crime, if that’s what I can call stealing my mother’s toys and using them as soon as I found them. I arrived home about two hours earlier than usual, and of course, my mother wasn’t there, which made me go straight to her room and search through her things. It didn’t take me long to find what I was looking for, and as soon as I had one in my hand, my first reaction was to hold it in my mouth to pull my panties aside with the intention of scratching, as soon as possible, the itch that had intensified in me. At that moment, I was thinking that the sooner I finished satisfying my curiosity, the sooner I could leave the scene of the crime. The feeling that, if my mother found me wearing it, she might kill me was the most exciting thing about the situation.”
”I can’t ever imagine your mother raising her voice at you or touching you with a feather,” said Omar with a convincing tone, as if questioning the reason why his girlfriend had to exaggerate the aggressive behavior of a person who was smiling until her last moment of life.
“You’re right, but just one sad or disappointed look she gave me with her noble eyes could hurt me more than if she raised her voice at me or disciplined me with blows. Getting back to the subject, as she inserted “what she shouldn't,” it felt just as Lizandra had described, at first a bearable pain and burning, then a pleasurable sensation. Even though I had only inserted the tip and thought I had time to continue, I felt the door to the house open. There I was, inside my mother’s room. Can you imagine? I bent forward so that I could introduce what I had in my hand into my body. I wanted the earth to swallow me up. Quickly, I organized the drawer, and when I was about to put the toy back in its place, I realized that it had a little blood on it, so I kept it in my hand and hid behind the door. Maybe because of nerves, but all I thought about was how to try to get out of the place, wash it, and then come back when it was safe. My heart wanted to pound out of my chest, and I couldn’t even breathe from nerves. As still as I could, I heard two voices, which were my mother and Lizandra. I could also identify that, in the fuzzy conversation, my mother was speaking softly and apologizing, while Lizandra was yelling at her and complaining. ‘For money’ said my mother. ‘So for money is that my father sleeps with you and has a whole collection of videos of you and other guys,” Lizandra assured, after being quiet for a long while and then adding, “I have a lot of money.” From then on, the voices became fuzzy, and I couldn’t hear anything clearly. However, the barrage of news had me shocked—that my mother is my best friend’s father’s mistress and that he has pictures of her with other people. As I stood there, with something stolen in my hand, that was the worst moment of my life. I even swore to myself that, if I got out of that one, I was going to seriously think about pursuing the path of abstinence. But that wasn’t all. From one moment to the next, I heard them enter the room. I closed my eyes, held my breath, and thought they had caught me—that maybe they noticed something I left in the living room in my haste, and that led them to identify that there was someone else in the house. After seeing it all black, you can imagine that, from one moment to the next, I could hear a groan. It wasn’t my labored breathing; it definitely hadn’t escaped me. The agitated sounds were of someone moving on the bed, followed by another slightly louder moan and the sound of a hickey. I couldn’t process it; it would never have crossed my mind, not in a million years. As soon as I opened my eyes and stuck my head out, I could see Lizandra on the bed, lifting up her skirt and rubbing her thing against my mother’s mouth, who was kneeling on the floor. Forgive me if I’m being too graphic, but the way my mother was moving her tongue back and forth, up and down and all over the place, was comparable to the practice the women had in the videos, but she seemed to stop only when she was sucking Liz’s clit. I would have left the room without saying anything. I had the opportunity; besides, I didn’t care what was going on between them. But one sentence set my blood on fire. ‘If your daughter sucked as well as you do, we wouldn’t have had to come to this...but at least you’re going to make money if you make me come from now on.”
“I can see why you dislike Lizandra,” said Omar, putting effort into making his feelings known. “If I had known this before, even I would have been embarrassed to see his face. After all, she was taking advantage of someone as noble as your mother.”
“As soon as I hid what I had in my hands, I went out behind the door screaming. They were scared to death, so much so that now I could laugh for a whole day. After seeing their faces and the jump they took sideways, I didn’t give them time to think of excuses. I looked at my mother and asked her how it was that she was letting herself be extorted for money. She didn’t dare answer, kept silent, stood by, and did nothing. But when I was about to throw myself at Lizandra, my mother stopped me. Lizandra told me, “It’s not my fault, I swear... When I got to the house, I told her about something, and she suddenly passed me her hand. Your mother told me she wanted to suck me. Rebeka, I didn’t know what to do. When your mom took off my underwear and brought me into the room, the least I could do was want to give her money in return, right? I wasn’t extorting or blackmailing her.” I looked my mother in the eyes. What Lizandra was saying was a lie; I knew it because I had heard them talking. Instead, my mother said, "Your friend’s body didn’t make me think straight, and I ended up kneeling between her legs. From the beginning, I was looking at her with perverted eyes. It’s not like I was doing it for money or to be able to pay some expenses or anything like that. It was for pleasure; Lizandra is not to blame.”. I didn’t believe the story, either back or front. From that day on, I never wanted to talk to Lizandra, and with my mother, we never touched the subject. That’s the real story.”
Rebeka turned over on the bed, and with her left hand, she touched the area where her beloved’s member was. The softness was noticeable by the absence of rigidity, which made her draw a dissatisfied expression on her face.
“You know, it’s been two days already that you haven’t fucked me. I thought with this story you were going to get turned on,” Rebeka said in a low tone.
“We talked about this,” commented Omar, somewhat tired.
“I don’t understand what my mother’s ashes have to do with you not being able to fuck me.”
“I don’t either, but I just don’t work. I don’t stand up knowing that her spirit can be there, watching me, cursing me for what happened and for the promises I broke,” assured Omar, after bringing his hands to his face to cover his eyes. “Maybe I need time.”
“My mother told me that no one was to blame. Not that I want to pressure you, but we’re already short of money, Omar.”
“I know,” he said, about to let out the cry inside him.
After moving her hand from her beloved’s pelvic area to his chest, Rebeka decided to caress him. ‘Maybe I should leave my mother’s ashes somewhere. Ahh, who knew!!!? I can’t complain at all; it’s like I’m in a dream. Maybe I feel this way because someone is suffering for me. Now, the question is: What is the place my mother loved the most to go and scatter her ashes there?’
After thinking for quite a while, Rebeka felt her boy go back to sleep. He was at a point where he slept for two hours or three, only after he had been crying for an hour. Without making much noise, she got out of bed, took the urn of ashes in her hands, and left the room.
She went down to the second floor, headed out of the house, and as soon as she spotted a staircase, she climbed up to the roof. Faced with the vast horizon of a splendorous sunrise, the wind, the clouds, and the sky, the young brunette took a deep breath and, as best she could, scattered the ashes on the roof.
“Sky, water, earth, mud, dust, and ashes” mentioned Rebeka. “Under the glare of the sun, my mother’s body falls and is lifted by the wind. With the pain of a whiplash in my heart and the weight of memories, I give you the most precious thing I ever had, the god of this world. If there really is a place where happiness can be found after death, serve as a guide, not for being my mother or the most wonderful person in the world, but for being the best mother I could ever have in my life. Mother, I have no more to give; I only have this house that you loved so much, under the sun, inside this city... Don’t hesitate to let the wind carry you to freedom. I am here for you; in your name and in your memory, I will know how to take care of myself. Go in tranquility to glory.”
Rebeka sat on the roof to watch the sunrise and to see that the ashes were carried away by the wind, a little at a time.
Back in the room, where Omar was still lying on the bed, the girl shouted aloud:
“Wake up. Go take a bath; you haven’t had one for two days. I’ll wait for you in the kitchen with a hot breakfast.” After returning to the present, Omar looked to where his girlfriend’s mother’s ashes were, and since he didn’t see them there, he looked back at Rebeka with confused eyes. “Don’t worry about my mother. While you were sleeping, I scattered her ashes in the place she liked the most, and I also made her a promise. I promised her that she would know how to take care of me, that she would be independent, and that after her death she wouldn’t have to worry about me. I need your help to keep that promise, so do your part. Use all that negative energy and turn it into a desire to make money.”
‘With my head focused on work, I must say business is going great,’ thought Rebeka. ‘In these three weeks, since I scattered my mother’s ashes, thanks to the help of my dedicated boyfriend, I became the Queen of Heaven, and the reason why is that the family name has no more debts. I was even able to pay for my mother’s medical expenses when she was alive. The house is no longer in mortgage, the refrigerator is full of food, and little by little, between the two of us, we have remodeled the inside and a few other little things on the outside of this place.’
Rebeka’s thoughts were true. Sure, the house lacked a mother’s touch, and you could see that two young adults lived in it, but the garden was pruned and full of life, and the paintings on the walls and the windows were touched up. The door was changed, the roof was free of mold, and the wall that adjoined the street was replaced.
‘Both Miguel and Lizandra also helped us from time to time, mostly on weekends, because on school days they can’t stay for long. Once the trust between the four of us was solidified, a very funny situation occurred. Lizandra left Miguel alone in our room. She was picking up the books she had under the bed, and while she was organizing everything, she found next to the shelf of my closet the box of personal toys I inherited from my mother. I was in the kitchen with Omar and Lizandra when we felt it scream, and we could tell what it was about. The three of us went upstairs, and when we got to the bedroom, we found Miguel holding a huge object with his eyes wide open. He didn’t hesitate to ask me why I needed such a thing if I had a boyfriend. Omar didn’t know where to put his face, and even less when I said out loud that it wasn’t for me; it was for that boyfriend I was talking about. Lizandra was so surprised that she couldn’t stop covering her mouth and pulled back. It was cruel, I know. It was also perversely evil to let Omar sacrifice himself and say, "Yes, it’s mine” to cover for me. If he knew my mother’s ashes were scattered around the house, I think he would die of grief at that point. But, well, I’ve always heard that before telling the truth, it’s good to lighten the mood with a joke. Miguel and Lizandra had to know where we got the money to do everything we were doing and not depend on what they wanted to give us so we could live. At that moment, as they didn’t want to believe us, we all sat together on the bed, and I turned on the computer to show them the page where I was practically the main attraction. In their eyes, I could see sadness—the feeling of a person who was not the one to tell her friends not to sell their bodies. At least, all Miguel could tell me was not to let me lose, not to get greedy, and that he had respect for us, because any job that put food on the table of a needy family was honest work. But money, no matter how much it was, would not be enough. On the other hand, Lizandra couldn’t help but take her hand between her legs as covertly as she could, and her eyes stayed glued to the screen as if she were memorizing the email address and my pseudonym.’
The days passed more frequently, while the friendship of those four young people was cemented more solidly than ever. So much so that through the windows, the sun began to enter, and, like every morning, it touched the naked bodies on the beds of Rebeka, Omar, Miguel, and Lizandra.
‘With more freedoms to work with and better scenery, as well as recording equipment, I started plugging in every night before bed for at least two hours,’ Rebeka recalled. ‘Sometimes I say I’m alone, with my cat, or to be careful with the vibes because I can’t make noise or my parents will discover me and kick me out of the house. Instead, Omar takes it upon himself to write to different individuals, pretending to be me. Between the two of us, we split the messages and the job of keeping the hope of those who write to me to keep them paying money. The business is going so well, but my audience is becoming demanding, and I was starting to get bored, especially with those who invented reasons not to see them, as I could tell. In a few months, when I run out of content to create, I will no longer be the most popular. For now, I’ve been thinking about doing something. The idea came when, among the comments from my fans, someone stood out and showed a particular interest in me. He is a recent follower, but he is very willing to pay any amount of money, for no apparent reason, for me to meet his demands. Even Omar has become somewhat nervous when I give that person special treatment and answer his somewhat personal, two-way questions privately. It was that person who, in his questions and conversations, made me hesitate, kept me awake for several nights, made me think and remember about everything that has happened to me so far, saw a chance if I was missing a set of underwear and a small bottle of perfume, plus so many other things. The question and conversation were about...’
Have you had any lesbian experiences? If you have pictures of you making out with another girl, preferably blue-haired, I’m willing to pay you the same amount of money you’ve made so far with all the pictures and videos you’ve uploaded. With that sum, I’m sure you’ll stay the Queen of Heaven for a whole year.
Rebeka looked to the right side; the bed was big, and there was Lizandra sleeping peacefully. On her left side was Omar, and on the other side of the bed was Miguel. Under the dawn sun, Rebeka remembered how her friend’s lips felt; she was asleep there.
‘I replied to that person that I had no female friends, but for some reason, with the questions I had previously been asked by my anonymous client, I was able to infer the existence of a girl who had entered my circle in the last few weeks. I have reason enough to believe that this anonymous individual is her, who simply wants to hook up with me and doesn’t know how to do anything but use money in order to get it. I’m surprised that, even though she was asleep, she didn’t move from place to place or take the opportunity to touch my body at night. But who is worse, her or me? The four of us didn’t end up in the same bed from one moment to the next. It was progressive, and there was also a lot of alcohol involved. At first, after each meeting, Omar and I would go to our room to continue with our work, and they, little by little, were encouraged to have intimate moments in the living room. Later, we found out that they were also watching us on the website. As the days went by, we lent them our room so that they could do it in a bed whenever they wanted to spend a moment together, hidden from their families, without having to pay for renting a motel that requires a license and IDs. When I set out to confront the loss of my personal things with Lizandra, the four of us ended up fucking in the same bed. That was the opportunity to have our first girl-on-girl experience. Here, on the bed, Omar was giving me hard between my legs, and next to me was her, being penetrated in the same way by Miguel. While we were lying down, in the heat of the moment, we looked at each other and kissed without saying anything. Although it was a kiss, it was enough for these two guys to come all over us. That’s how the four of us ended up in the same bed this weekend. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next step was to swap partners. If we’ve already seen each other naked, What else is left?’
“What are you thinking about, my queen?” asked Omar in a delicate voice, seeing that Rebeka was awake. “That you’re awake means you didn’t sleep at all.”
“Do you regret that I kissed you with Lizandra?” asked Rebeka between whispers.
"No,” replied Omar, adding, “To tell you the truth, it was pretty exciting. But we got to where we are because of that person who writes to you privately. He’s the one I’m worried about. He doesn’t give me a good feeling; he sounds like a rat, a snake that crawls and talks with subtle words to get what he wants.”
“Yes, a snake who subtly gets what he wants with money,” said Rebeka, looking at Lizandra, who was pretending to be asleep, then returning her gaze to her boy. “To tell you the truth, we have nothing to worry about with that user. But, regardless of everything I’ve done, when I check the videos we make, they don’t look real at all; there’s a lack of essence and feeling.”
Omar was silent for a moment, as he was excited about the videos he was making with his girl. To him, it all looked very pornographic, and he didn’t think anything was missing, but if his girl said it, it must be true.
“So would you be worried if I make out with Lizandra again, and this time... continue what’s next behind a kiss?” asked Rebeka.
“I don’t know...” said Omar. “Would you be worried if I made out with Miguel?”
While Rebeka bit her lips, pretending to be excited as she imagined the situation, the second guy started coughing after hearing the conversation, as if he had choked on his own saliva and that, apparently, had woken him up.
“I’m asleep,” Miguel said.
“Don’t imagine things...” assured Omar, ignoring his friend on the other side of the bed. “I’m not interested in him. Who I’m interested in is you; it was a silly example, and I take it back.”
“This time I’m seeking your permission because I care about how you might feel.”
“Sometimes I have doubts if you love me,” Omar confessed.
“Aww, don’t say that.” Rebeka turned on the bed to hug her beloved, which made him stick his butt to Lizandra. “Of course, I love you; we’ve been together this long, and I know my love for you is so great that it won’t be affected by satisfying a client’s needs.”
“If you were kissing another girl for the second time, for the sake of experiencing something that I will never be able to give you because I am a boy, I think the insecurity would kill me,” Omar replied, with concern in his eyes.
“Come, put your head between my chests,” said Rebeka, hugging Omar. “Lie down on me. Don’t worry. Don't think about nonsense. This is a work thing, although, of course, since Miguel and Lizandra are a couple, they also have to talk and give their consent.”
“Of course they do,” said Lizandra, after holding her breath for a good while. “Miguel agrees.”
“I’m here to have a good time, not to worry about the future,” expressed Miguel with an enthusiastic attitude. “When I get old, I’m going to be able to live on memories like this.”
“Would you two be alone, or could Miguel and I stay and watch?” asked Omar, after letting out a breath of air.
“I think it would be more natural for just the two of us, at least the first time... until I get used to it.”
After thinking about it for a while, Omar nodded his head and gave his consent. Which made Rebeka kiss him passionately.